


when you were young

by zenexit



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken
Genre: Canon Era, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love, and he loves her, but shes there and in love with eliwood, ninian isnt super important in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-09-30 18:03:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10168700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zenexit/pseuds/zenexit
Summary: If Hector had any less pride he would have walked out of that room this very moment. He would have left both the ballroom and his partner without an explanation. But he was the Marquess of Ostia, a man with two dead parents, no brother left to speak of, and endless need to be seen.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in a car back from a con, and then continued at home. it's not beta'd, so i'm sorry if i repeat words or my verbs are weird or something
> 
> im sad. im sad and i wish i didn't just write these types of fics all the time. 
> 
> fic title from the killer's song "when you were young" which i didnt write this while listening to, but im suffering like i did anyway.

The way Eliwood’s eyes burned for his dance partner made Hector want to rip his own out. The way their steps fell together perfectly, Hector imagined his own on burning coals. How Eliwood held Ninian’s hand in his own with ease, made Hector want to break his own without hesitation.

If Hector had any less pride he would have walked out of that room this very moment. He would have left both the ballroom and his partner without an explanation. But he was the Marquess of Ostia, a man with two dead parents, no brother left to speak of, and endless need to be seen.

Eliwood’s eyes were alive and dancing in the light, not moving from Ninian’s face. What made Hector’s heart burn was how easy it seemed. A type of ease he himself would never know. He couldn't force himself to look at his partner to say more than japes, couldn’t make himself give a flashed smile that made it all seem sincere, or anything more than a half assed dance step. It all made him want to scream.

The band let their last number fade out, a new faster based one taking its place. The dancers took a moment before bouncing into place. Hector always wondered at events like this, why they all had to learned the same number. He knew he had picked his own up from instructors, ones he had been forced to listen to drone on for hours. There was a sickness that had always settled inside of him then, hearing voices tell him again and again how he would hold a woman close, the way they would move together. It was all so overwhelming to him, and he took every chance to leave those lessons. 

It was in this quick step, the moving of bodies all seemed to blur closer together. Hector knew this dance for one reasons alone, it was the type that made it so easy to switch partners. Many took fancy to that, to the romance of being torn away from the person you love, so when they were back at your side it would be all the better. Dreams had burned at Hector’s eyes in his stubborn youth, imaginings of pulling Eliwood quickly by the hand into step alongside him. How their hands would fit together, what sort of face he might make in that moment. Would he smile at him? Perhaps a laugh at the entire thing?

Hector trained eyes on his own partner, shame almost filling him for a moment. He gave her a large toothy smile.

“Hang on tight.” Hector guided her quickly through bodies, easily moving the crowd. He had learned at a young age if he stepped with purpose, there were few who wouldn’t shrink away. 

Eliwood wasn’t too far away, as always. Hector wished for not the first time he had a shred of sanity in his body, that he could force away the things that hurt him the way he did. But it was the way Eliwood made him feel that kept him coming back, on his hands and knees if he had to.

Hector gave his dance partner one last flourish, her hair turning with her dress in the light of the ballroom. He could almost appreciate her in that moment, how she had the patience to wear her hair so long, how she could move in a ballgown bigger than herself, how her shoes were weapons in themselves. But like always, it lasted only a moment before Hector began to feel his interest fade away, the light glinting off her satin gown no longer being reflected in his eyes.

Hector gave her a stiff bow then, it was like everything to him, unrehearsed with quite a bit of force. It was admittedly at a poor time, the dancers around them still going, the previous number still playing loudly. Her thin eyebrows pulled together in confusion, and Hector almost wished he knew her name. 

Eliwood looked over from his partner for what felt like the first time all night, and Hector wished his heart didn’t leap as high as it did. He registered what Hector was doing, jigsaw pieces clicking into place. He gave Ninian a sheepish look, the kind that said ‘I can’t take him anywhere’ and Hector felt the sadness settle in his heart again. As the pair stopped dancing, 

Hector took Ninian’s hand to his mouth and kissed right above it, lips only meeting air. He let his eyes move up from the pale skin to her face, which looked almost amused. He wished her eyes didn’t always seem to look right through him.

“My dear, mind if I interrupt this dance?” Hector asked, a smile clear on his mouth. He wondered if even Eliwood knew it wasn’t real. 

The music was reaching a crescendo at this point, bodies moving quickly around them. There was a patience to them, however, that Hector couldn’t help but admire. They hadn’t been jostled once.

“Of course, Hector, it would be an honor.” Ninian took a small curtsey at that, and Hector let his eyes move to Eliwood’s in that moment. The corner’s around his eyes were pulled tightly, and Hector wondered for not the first time if he would live to get to see those become laugh lines.

“I’ll have him back soon, I promise.” Hector said, humor creeping out of his voice. Perhaps this shouldn’t be as funny to him as it was, but the way all three of their faces lit up with confusion in the light made Hector feel his first bit of joy all night.

There wasn’t much time to do this, and he knew it. Hector knew he could only get away with these sorts of ‘jokes’ for so long, and that always had made him feel hollowed. It wouldn’t be long until Eliwood and Ninian were dancing like this at their wedding, Hector found it very unlikely there wasn’t a ring that would soon be presented to her at this rate. He didn’t want to have to give the speech he would be expected to. He didn’t want to go to the dance with some woman whose name he couldn’t even bother to pretend he knew. He hated the pretenses of it all, and more than anything he hated himself at the end of it. He hated how weak and useless he was against Eliwood.

Hector grabbed Eliwood by the hand, lacing their fingers together without thinking about it. He didn’t spare a moment to think about what their dates were going to do without them, because to be frank he couldn’t care less. This moment no one was going to take from him. One for just himself, to hold close to his chest when he couldn’t sleep. A memory to help combat his own thoughts. Perhaps looking back at the shapes of the twirling people in his mind's eye, and thinking on the music that played, he would be able to drown out his own thoughts, his regrets.

A soft piano key let the air, and the mood in the room suddenly changed. Hector wasn’t sure what magic was worked to the lights, but the atmosphere shifted. The yellow-whites lighting the dance room before, became soft blue-whites instead. The piano was followed by a bass, and a soft tune. This was meant to be a couples dance, and Hector didn’t think he could have gotten any luckier. He pulled Eliwood to a stop, pulled as far away from Ninian as he could get him. 

Hector took a moment to look Eliwood in the eyes, blue meeting blue, before smiling genuinely. Eliwood was in dark blues as always, his eyes curious. He had no idea what was in store for them, probably assuming Hector would have given up this game by now. Hector couldn’t have been more grateful for this moment that seemed to go by in an instant, drinking in every part of Eliwood he could. This was his moment.

Hector took a bow again, his hand taking Eliwood’s once more. He didn’t let his eyes move from that face, with perfect skin and clear eyes. From the lips that had the perfect curve on top, before meeting it’s mate along the bottom. The soft color they had Hector wished for not the first time he could know the taste of. 

Hector kissed his lips gently to Eliwood’s hand, unafraid he would pull away. No, this was a spell that wouldn’t be broken until he was done.

Eliwood’s cheeks went almost pink in the light, or so Hector hoped. He took his hand then, and led him into a gentle waltz. In that moment, Hector could pretend for just a moment this was his world, and that no one cared or at least dared to take it from him. That Eliwood burned for this just as much as he did, and that the nights would stop feeling so long and empty.

It was almost too perfect. As Hector’s joy began to fade, he felt his heart breaking in its place. Every step seemed to push something farther and farther into his heart. A unfamiliar prickling seemed to tug at his eyes, and Hector blinked at the room uncertainty for a moment. Things were getting out of focus, and it was with a moment to consider, Hector realized he was fighting back tears.

Eliwood was pulled quickly to his chest then, before he could notice. No, Hector wasn’t going to stop. He deserved one dance number, and no man or god was going to take it from him.

As quickly as it began, it ended. Hector and Eliwood pulled apart, and Eliwood looked just as breathless and Hector felt. Hector, without thinking, reached up to tuck a lock of hair behind Eliwood’s ear that had come out, and then there was something that crept up in Eliwood’s eyes that made Hector wonder if he knew.

Hector wished he could say in that moment he was so overcome with love that he swept Eliwood up in his arms and kissed him right there, alongside the dancers who had already begun to move again. That he and Eliwood moved from there to different places in their relationship, that they learned slowly all the secrets each other had to hold. That they could take each other in every way possible, and fill the other with more love than they knew what to do with. But, as always, that wasn’t the case. 

Instead, Hector did one thing in his life he had never done before this point, or afterwards. He turned his back to Eliwood, and made his way out of the ballroom. He didn’t stop to look in Eliwood’s eyes once more, or Ninian’s, or anyone else's. He left and made his way for his chambers, feeling like his heart was so much more empty than it had been before. 


End file.
